Yeah, they pretty much nailed it this time:
Women Now Empowered By Everything a Woman Does
OBERLIN, OHâ€”According to a study released Monday, womenâ€”once empowered primarily via the assertion of reproductive rights or workplace equality with menâ€”are now empowered by virtually everything the typical woman does.
“From what she eats for breakfast to the way she cleans her home, today’s woman lives in a state of near-constant empowerment,” said Barbara Klein, professor of women’s studies at Oberlin College and director of the study. “As recently as 15 years ago, a woman could only feel empowered by advancing in a male-dominated work world, asserting her own sexual wants and needs, or pushing for a stronger voice in politics. Today, a woman can empower herself through actions as seemingly inconsequential as driving her children to soccer practice or watching the Oxygen network.”
Klein said that clothes-shopping, once considered a mundane act with few sociopolitical implications, is now a bold feminist statement.
“Shopping for shoes has emerged as a powerful means by which women assert their autonomy,” Klein said. “Owning and wearing dozens of pairs of shoes is a compelling way for a woman to announce that she is strong and independent, and can shoe herself without the help of a man. She’s saying, ‘Look out, male-dominated world, here comes me and my shoes.'”
Eating energy bars specially fortified with nutrients “for women” has become a feminist trend, as well.
“Unlike traditional, phallocentric energy bars, whose chocolate, soy protein, nuts, and granola ignored the special health and nutritional needs of women, their new, female-oriented counterparts like Luna are ideally balanced with a more suitable amount of chocolate, soy protein, nuts, and granola,” Klein said. “Proto-feminist pioneers like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony could never have imagined that female empowerment would one day come in bar form.”
Whereas early feminists campaigned tirelessly for improved health care and safe, legal access to abortion, often against a backdrop of public indifference or hostility, today’s feminist asserts control over her biological destiny by wearing a baby-doll T-shirt with the word “Hoochie” spelled in glitter….
Other acts of empowerment include gossiping about the sexual proclivities of male acquaintances, lunching with other women in small groups, taking calcium-rich antacid tablets, and reading The Nanny Diaries.
The study also cites the act of pumping one’s raised fist in a gesture of female solidarity against the oppressive forces of air pressure.
I *heart* The Onion, too. I can’t think of anything to say that would express my irritation with the pseudo-feminisms that have cropped up – starting with the faux feminism of Madanna in the 80’s adopted by faux fmeinists who wanted to buy into the system and eat their cake too…. Oh, well, here I go saying something. Forget it. You already know what I’m going to say, anyway…..